


Make a Move

by boss



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 05:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1116191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boss/pseuds/boss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon. If there’s a handbook on how to deal with the aftermath of hooking up with one of your best friends, Jaehwan will need every copy in print.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make a Move

Hongbin’s shirt is spilling off his body. His shoulders, a large interrupted line, are bright with sunlight and dark from the patches of red and purple where a mouth has seared into his skin. In the glow of morning, the marks are embarrassing, too truthful, almost vulnerable in the way he tries to hide them with his flimsy shirt but can’t. The fabric drops back, exposing them all.  
  
At least his shorts hide the bruising on the inside of his thighs and the largest mark, by far, in the small of his back. Wavy, sleepy curls stick to the roundness of his cheeks, his forehead, held together by a thin, exhausted band. More hair is loose than held by the elastic, but Jaehwan likes it like this.  
  
Feigning sleep while Hongbin sits up and stares at the world outside their hotel room, Jaehwan has been trying to think of a joke for the last fifteen minutes.  
  
Comparisons of Hongbin to any spotted animal were mere seconds away from leaving his tongue when Hongbin had stood, looked at himself in the mirror, and started touching his hickeys one. by. one. Face frozen, lips shut, he went through them all, even the forgotten one Jaehwan had bitten out on his belly.  
  
Lips pressed together, Jaehwan had waited for the inevitable Hongbin quip but, like the threat of an early morning rain today, it never came. Hongbin went back to bed and has been there ever since. and Jaehwan is still “asleep.” Cowardice is how soft the pillow is against his cheek, almost as soft as Hongbin’s lips, Hongbin’s hot breath against his cheek had been last night.  
  
If there’s a handbook on how to deal with the aftermath of hooking up with one of your best friends, Jaehwan will need every copy in print.  
  
He’ll read two of them — one is for “reading” and the other is for actual reading — and he’ll just hit himself in the head with the other three thousand because there are things people always think about doing but never actually do.  
  
Stealing from the local pharmacy (just to see if they can), sticking their hand through an open flame (just to see what if feels like) and _sleeping with their best friend_ are several of the many things good citizens think of but never do.  
  
Maybe Jaehwan can blame it on whatever the moon phase was last night. “Ah, Hongbinnie. listen. You see, in my family, whenever the moon is a quarter moon, we kinda go through this thing where we lose our inhibitions and do whatever we’ve been thinking about doing for years but never thought our Hongbin would reciprocate.”  
  
That would never work. If he sounds convincing enough (read: so Jaehwan-like Hongbin will have to agree), maybe he can blame it on food poisoning and still somehow avoid the line, “I thought the cure for it would be in your dick, yes, I’m sorry.”  
  
Jaehwan closes his eyes. He’s not really sorry. He might have to be, later, when he has to wake up because N hyung is breaking their door down. Right now, here, with Hongbin’s lips still as swollen as they are and Hongbin’s taste still in his mouth, Jaehwan is not sorry.  
  
Maybe he should have thought of a better game last night instead of chicken, maybe he should’ve stopped when he felt Hongbin’s tongue sweep along his bottom lip. He could have turned it all around, he knows, because a few kisses between members are nothing and can easily be blamed on anything from aliens to exhaustion, but he didn’t.  
  
It’s Hongbin’s fault too, he thinks petulantly. It had been his legs wrapped around Jaehwan’s hips, his voice telling Jaehwan to give him more, kiss him harder, “leave marks.”  
  
Jaehwan had laughed and said, “I’m not fucking leaving anything.” But here they are, and Hongbin does look like a purple leopard. Jaehwan, though he’ll never use that joke, will always remember the morning he woke up and stared at what his mouth had done to Binnie’s shoulders.  
  
There's a condom cooling in the trashcan next to the door and there’s a growing heat on Jaehwan’s back. Nail marks, probably.  
  
God, he never thought his life would ever be so porn-like. Like a sitcom, yeah, because of all the variety they do and maybe a rom-com whenever one of them manages to talk in complete sentences around their crush.  
  
The porn part of his life was supposed to remain in his head, all pristine and with impressive lighting, and was definitely not supposed to happen during VIXX’s first Japanese promotions. Not the night before their first fansign, not with Hongbin, who had gone all pliant and breathless when Jaehwan had sucked him into his mouth.  
  
Jaehwan kicks at the sheets covering his legs and rolls over onto his stomach. It’s time to wake up. It’s Hongbin, of all people. They’re a set, the two visuals, the two childhood best friends. This doesn’t have to be awkward or change anything between them; this can be a thing they can look back on ten years down the line and say, “Remember that time in Japan when we messed around? That was fun, huh.”  
  
Facing away from Hongbin, Jaehwan opens his eyes. He sighs heavily. “You’re thinking too hard, Binnie,” he says into his pillow.  
  
He hears Hongbin swallow, and the sheets around his body rustle as they slide together. “Hyung,” he says. “I… what did we do last night?”  
  
Jaehwan shifts again, now on his back, and stares up at the ceiling. It’s a soft cream. “You were there,” he says slowly. “At least, I’m pretty sure you were. It did sound like your voice that was—” _Moaning my name when I accidentally pulled on your hair._  
  
Teasing only works when you know how the other person is going to react. Morning after, quiet Hongbin is not a Hongbin Jaehwan has encountered before. Shy Hongbin, smiley, flustered Hongbin, well kissed, grunting Hongbin — well, that’s. Neither here nor there.  
  
On the bed, Hongbin is quiet, his eyes on his hands.  
  
“Hey.” Jaehwan, still the hyung here, slides his fingers in between the opening of Hongbin’s palms, pulling his arms away from each other. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”  
  
“I’m okay,” Hongbin nods once. Still not looking up, his bangs partially shield his eyes from Jaehwan’s probing stare. He’s not even trying to laugh this off.  
  
Jaehwan’s mouth goes a little dry, his stomach whirling and clenching with coiling knots. “Hey,” he says again, a little softer. When he tugs, Hongbin falls down without a fight, his head now against Jaehwan’s chest. This is a little more familiar — they used to play a lot like this before debut — but it’s still fundamentally different. Hongbin’s kiss splotches are gradients of yellow to light purple, and, when Jaehwan softly presses his finger against one, Hongbin’s shiver is accompanied by a low, confusing sound. “Does it hurt?”  
  
“No,” Hongbin grumbles. “Can’t believe this happened.”  
  
“Yeah, well…” _Sometimes you have sex with people. People who are your best friends. Best friends who like you a lot._ Jaehwan’s mouth clinks shut. He tries again. “Did you, um, at least have fun?”  
  
Hongbin turns over slowly, glaring at Jaehwan’s face. “Are you seriously asking me if you’re a good lay—”  
  
“Ahh!” Jaehwan cuts him off, wriggling as if he’s just been tickled. “No, that’s not— That wasn’t— Hey!” Jaehwan half screams when Hongbin grins, dimpling. “Are you quite done making fun of me now? I’m going to hit you, seriously.”  
  
Jaehwan makes a fist and pretends he’s going to ram it into Hongbin’s cheek. Hongbin shuts his eyes, biting his bottom lip, and Jaewhan’s fist softly makes contact, sliding down the side of Hongbin’s face. “Pow,” he whispers. Hongbin’s lips part when Jaehwan’s fingers slide too close to Hongbin’s mouth. A breath catches in Jaehwan’s chest and he drops his hand back down to the bed.  
  
“We’ve made a mistake, right?” Hongbin’s voice is low, his breath brushing across Jaehwan’s bare chest.  
  
“Why does it have to be a mistake?” Jaehwan bristles. “Was it a mistake because you didn’t enjoy it or was it a mistake because I’m your coworker?”  
  
“I… enjoyed it,” says Hongbin. His ears are so bright Jaehwan thinks astronauts can spot them from the ISS. “I… It was a mistake because we’re… we’re friends, right? And friends don’t…friend’s don’t—”  
  
“Have sex with each other and enjoy it?” When Jaehwan dies, they’re going to stencil ‘he wasn’t afraid of anything’ onto his grave and he wants to live up to that standard. He’s run head first, or, rather, nose first, into everything in his life thus far. He’s not going to stop now, not with Hongbin.  
  
Hongbin, stunned into silence by Jaehwan’s straightforwardness, is a Hongbin Jaehwan knows how to deal with. This Hongbin will stare blankly for a few minutes, letting his brain catch up with his mouth, and then he’ll stutter a little, trying to refute Jaehwan’s point. “You can’t just—- You can’t just say that about—” Right on schedule.  
  
“You know me,” says Jaehwan. “I don’t like to talk seriously. I don’t like to mean things when I say them but listen to me, Binnie, just listen to me this one time. After this time, you don’t have to listen to me ever again. If you listen to me this once—”  
  
“Just say it already!” Hongbin laughs. “You’re making me nervous.”  
  
Jaehwan takes a deep breath. “I don’t… I don’t know why we did what we did.” A confession? During their morning after? Jaehwan would never be so cheesy. “And we could have avoided all of this if we would’ve gone to sleep like N hyung had told us to but… we didn’t. We did this, we made our bed and now we have to lay in it. We’re lying in it right now, actually. Only we didn’t make it because, you know, sex and all.”  
  
Hongbin groans and quickly rolls off Jaehwan’s chest, holding his face and cutting off the rest of Jaehwan’s passionate, heartfelt reassurances. “How can you speak about this so calmly? We had _sex_. _A lot!_ We had a lot of sex _with each other_!” He pauses and looks at Jaehwan, as if waiting for his freak out.  
  
Jaehwan blinks and then says, “W-What? We had _sex_? We had a lot of _sex_ with _each other_ and I missed it? I can’t believe this!” He kicks his feet out like a toddler, throwing his arms back to the head rest. “I can’t believe it!”  
  
“Hey!” Hongbin’s smacks his arm. “This is serious, hyung! We can’t do it again.”  
  
Jaehwan stops his mini tantrum mid-leg pump. “What?”  
  
“We… can’t do this again,” repeats Hongbin, a pretty blush now staining his cheeks. “Right?”  
  
“Are you asking me or telling me we’re not going to have sex again?”  
  
“Uh,” Hongbin swallows noisily. “Both?” his smile is shaky, nervous.  
  
Jaehwan almost considers letting it go but, now that the possibility has been brought up, an annoying little thought tickles the back of his brain. “Binnie,” he says, sitting up. “Do you want to have sex with me again?”  
  
“Don’t say it like that,” Hongbin’s hands fly up to his face again.  
  
“Now is not the time for euphemisms,” Jaehwan reminds him. “But I can use them if you like. Would you like for us to do ‘it’?”  
  
Growling, Hongbin throws himself back and almost slides off the bed, head first. A quick grab by Jaehwan to his nonshirt-shirt keeps him from tipping over the edge and Jaehwan is still laughing when Hongbin hits his shoulder.  
  
When that doesn’t quiet Jaehwan, Hongbin angrily straddles Jaehwan’s waist, an act he had done many times before but never quite like this, all nervous, skittish, but with something to prove. That something just happens to be how quietly he can shush Jaehwan when their crotches are almost touching, his ass close to Jaehwan’s dick.  
  
Again, Jaehwan’s mouth falls close with a click, so quickly you would’ve thought he had just stepped into a church. In a way, though, he thinks he has. “What are you doing, Binnie?”  
  
“I don’t know,” says Hongbin. “but I want to do this… is that weird?”  
  
Jaehwan’s _“You had my dick in your ass and you think this is weird?”_ fizzles away on his tongue, useless.  
  
Hongbin leans in so closely his bangs brush Jaehwan’s forehead and Jaehwan’s breathing is heavy and loud between their mouths. “I did enjoy it,” he says again. “I liked it a lot.” His smile is so cute Jaehwan has to kiss him, tucking the rest of Hongbin’s laughter into his mouth. “We shouldn’t,” he says.  
  
“But do you want to?” Jaehwan nips Hongbin’s bottom lip, always the one to take a terrible idea and run with it.   
  
“I want to,” Hongbin confesses.  
  
 _My heart is so full it could burst and leak heart juice all over my stomach._ Heart juice. Sexy. “I won’t tell if you won’t.” Jaehwan pulls back to wink obnoxiously. “Little secret?” he asks in English.  
  
Hongbin, flushed, laughs and shakes his head. “This is a bad idea, but…” He pulls Jaehwan forward, still speaking quietly. “No one really has to know, right?”  
  
”No one,” Jaehwan promises, his fingers in Hongbin’s shirt. “No one.”

* * *

  
  
  
Hakyeon makes a big deal out of wiping his imaginary glasses and then asks, “Are you wearing a turtleneck in the middle of summer?”  
  
Hongbin coughs and sniffles. “Sick. I don’t know what happened. Something just came over me.”  
  
 _I can think of someone else that came over you._ Jaehwan deserves a 1-UP his self restraint. He knows he’s failing when Hongbin elbows him, a steely glint in his eyes, and says, “Asshole. I’ll get you later.”  
  
“I didn’t even say anything,” Jaehwan whines, but he still laughs, hooking an arm around Hongbin’s shoulders. “Hey, where’s the camera? I want to film turtle Hongbin in Japan. I’ll make Turtlebinnie the hottest search topic, you’ll see.”

* * *

  
  
  
Propped up on his bed’s pillows, idly clicking through their television channels, Jaehwan is a little sleepy when Hongbin steps out of the bathroom. A white hotel towel is around his neck and his feet are bare. He looks so homey and domestic, here in a hotel room hundreds of miles from home, that Jaehwan’s murmured “Hongjumma” slips out of his mouth without resistance.  
  
On his way to his bed, Hongbin pauses. “What did you just call me?”  
  
Jaehwan loudly clears his throat, “What? What did I call you?”  
  
Hongbin is wearing another one of those terrible ill-fitting shirts. If he would only wear tailored clothing, Jaehwan’s life would be, at least, seventy five percent less painful. As if it isn’t enough that he’s grown out his hair again and Jaehwan can’t keep his fingers out of it.  
  
“I heard that,” he says and, with purpose, marches over to shake his hair over Jaehwan’s face.  
  
Jaehwan yells, “Hey!” He kicks out at Hongbin, who catches his foot midair and tries to twist it. “Okay, okay, _okay_ ,” Jaehwan whines. “Okay, I’m sorry. You’re not Hongjumma! You’re not!”  
  
“That’s right I’m not.” Hongbin drops his foot with a satisfied huff. He probably doesn’t even realize Jaehwan can see his nipples through his shirt.  
  
“Go over there,” Jaehwan points to Hongbin’s bed on the other side of the room.  
  
“Is that how you really feel?” asks Hongbin. when Jaehwan doesn’t respond, he starts singing the opening lines of G.NA’s “I’ll Back Off So You Can Live” horribly off key.  
  
He doesn’t stop until Jaehwan, worried about losing his hearing this early in life, traps him between his arms.  
  
“Go away,” Jaehwan says in his best Sanghyuk Voice™. “Why can’t you just go away, huh?” He sees the irony of saying this while he’s holding Hongbin and chooses to ignore it.  
  
“I’m going to die here,” Hongbin wilts in his arms, turning back into Wonshik’s artwork on Jaehwan’s shoulder.  
  
“You can’t escape situations in life by turning to stone,” he chastises, still in Sanghyuk’s voice. But Hongbin is already frozen. Jaehwan sucks his teeth and carries on half hearted mumbling about trying to buy genuine art pieces and ending up with cruddy fakes but then Hongbin’s blasted shirt worms a little down his shoulder. This morning’s yellows and pinks have faded to dark reds and greens. If jaehwan were to fit his mouth along one of them, it would be a perfect fit.  
  
“Stop staring,” Hongbin mumbles through closed lips.  
  
“Aren’t you artwork? People are supposed to stare at you.” And think about kissing you. Everywhere.  
  
“I’m only Wonshik’s artwork,” Hongbin clarifies and then resumes his classic statue pose, dead eyes and all.  
  
“What, only Wonshikie can look at you now? Is that what that means?” Really, he doesn’t like the way Hongbin’s eyes darken or the curve of his growing smile.  
  
“You sound almost jealous,” Hongbin preens. “Are you?”  
  
“Jealous?” Jaehwan stares at him, eyes narrowed. “Please.”  
  
Then, quite unceremoniously, he shoves Hongbin off the bed and makes no attempt to catch him. Hongbin falls to the ground with a shouted “Jaehwan!” and an ugly thump.  
  
“Who’s jealous now?” Jaehwan cackles. “And don’t call me only ‘Jaehwan,’ you really want me to hit you again, don’t you?”  
  
“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Hongbin kneels on the floor, his arms reaching over to smack Jaehwan’s knee. “You never make any sense.”  
  
“Hey, I make perfect sense,” says Jaehwan. “You want someone to call you handsome? I can do that. Come here.”  
  
“Hyung,” Hongbin stresses. “I don’t--”  
  
“Hey, come here,” Jaehwan says again, scooting over to let Hongbin climb onto his side of the bed.  
  
Hongbin does so with trepidation, hesitating and saying, “You don’t have to do this,” as if Jaehwan would rather do other things.  
  
“No, you want someone to call you handsome--” Jaehwan doesn’t want to be too serious, too heavy handed with his praise, so Sanghyuk Voice™ is perfect for this. Only when Hongbin is sitting next to him, Hongbin’s face in his hands, does the voice drop away. “You’re handsome,” he says simply. “Obviously.”  
  
Hongbin averts his eyes, “It’s not obvious…”  
  
“You think you’re ugly? Seriously?” Jaehwan squeezes his cheeks a little.  
  
“No,” says Hongbin. “I don’t. I wouldn’t be the visual if i were ugly, right? That wouldn’t make any sense.”  
  
“But then you say your good looks aren’t obvious even though you’re the _visual_? Look who’s not making any sense now.” Jaehwan’s hands slide away from Hongbin’s face, but Hongbin doesn’t move away.  
  
“Jaehwan hyung,” grumbles Hongbin. His hair smells like the hotel’s cheap sweetpea shampoo and there are still tiny water droplets, rivets of bathwater along Hongbin’s neck and chest.  
  
“I’m a simple man, Binnie,” says Jaehwan, again in Sanghyuk’s voice but this time using Sanghyuk’s half assed dialect.  
  
Hongbin rolls his eyes, “You’re annoying.”  
  
Funny, they’ve been this close to each other more times than Jaehwan can count. And, in the safe space of his own head, he can freely admit he’s only ever thought of kissing Hongbin a handful of times. The feeling had always been fleeting, the same way he's thought about eating another slice of pizza before deciding against it. But now Jaehwan _has_ eaten a second slice of pizza. He knows how good it’ll taste if he tries it again, and again.  
  
“You’re looking at me funny,” says Hongbin, smiling a little nervously. “Is there something on my face?”  
  
“Yeah, handsome. Handsome is all over your face.” Jaehwan pokes at one of his dimples.  
  
“You know…” Hongbin clears his throat. “You know you have nothing to be jealous over, right? I mean, it’s not… it’s not like I’m… doing things with… Wonshik.”  
  
“Doing things,” Jaehwan repeats. Again with the euphemisms.  
  
Flushing, Hongbin smacks his hand away. “Stop it--”  
  
“Ah, so cute.” Jaehwan reaches for Hongbin’s face again. He misses by a few centimeters and ends up with one of his fingers caught between Hongbin’s teeth. “I’m supposed to be the dog,” Jaehwan pulls on his finger, but Hongbin holds steady, growling. “Man, this puppy is scary. I don’t want him anymore, I’m going to take him back and get a cuter one.” Hongbin’s bite is more than a little nibble but Jaehwan still howls, cursing at this dog. “Hey!” Jaehwan says louder, and that’s when Hongbin decides to be terrible. No, to be even _more_ terrible than his long hair and his ill fitting shirts.  
  
Slowly, he runs the tip of his tongue along the back of Jaehwan’s finger, his mouth warm and wet. The bite of his teeth is a little obscene and sends a hot shiver down Jaehwan’s spine. His stomach pulls knots. "Dirty,” Jaehwan playfully chastises, going a little breathless.  
  
Hongbin quickly drops Jaehwan’s finger from his mouth, “I wasn’t--”  
  
Jaehwan’s finger, wet and a bit tingly, wraps in Hongbin’s shirt and pulls him forward. _Pizza!_ Jaehwan’s brain screams quite unhelpfully.  
  
Hongbin’s lips are soft and part easily, his hot hands sliding up to Jaehwan’s shoulders to hold on. It’s only been a few hours since Jaehwan’s last kissed him, but in the daze of “Is this really happening?” he didn’t have a chance to properly memorize Hongbin’s cute mouth. Or how sharp his teeth feel when he’s really getting into it, sliding his tongue along Jaehwan’s, stroking hot lines along the inside of his cheeks.  
  
“Your nose,” mumbles Hongbin, pulling back for a breath. “It’s too big.”  
  
“Hey,” Jaehwan pinches Hongbin under his shirt. His voice is shaky and rough. “We’re kissing here, do you mind?”  
  
Humming softly, Hongbin quickly shakes his head, “no, no,” and slips his tongue into Jaehwan’s mouth again.  
  
He certainly isn’t complaining about the length of Jaehwan’s nose when Jaehwan sucks his dick.

* * *

  
  
  
Through a mutual understanding that starts and ends with “we don’t want to lose our jobs over this,” Jaehwan and Hongbin decide to keep the newest turn in their relationship to themselves.  
  
In the van heading to the airport, Jaehwan sits next to Taekwoon, as he always does, and is extra excited when he shoves the youngins into the backseat.  
  
“Hyung, ugh,” Wonshik groans, sleepy and grumpy. He practically falls straight into Hongbin’s lap and Jaehwan sees his fingers latching Hongbin’s third turtleneck of the week. If Jaehwan’s hands feel a little heavier when they land on Wonshik’s back, under the pretense of pushing him along, Wonshik doesn’t mention it.  
  
“You’re going to pass out if you keep wearing these, hyung,” says Sanghyuk from the backseat when they’ve all piled in. Jaehwan feels Taekwoon turn his head back to look at who Sanghyuk is talking to.  
  
“Binnie, do we need to take you to the hospital?” Hakyeon twists back in his seat. “How do you feel? Are you really cold?”  
  
“I think I just need some sleep,” Hongbin fakes yet another cough. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”  
  
“Is Jaehwan keeping you up?” Hakyeon’s eyes are suddenly ablaze, voice reaching out to smack Jaehwan across the face. “Is he snoring too much? Is he picking on you? Taekwoon, hit him over the head for me--”  
  
“I’m not doing anything,” Jaehwan whines. He turns to Taekwoon with a winning smile. “You’re not really going to hit me, are you, hyung?”  
  
Taekwoon’s eyes look from Hongbin to Jaehwan and then back. Movements slow and purposeful, Taekwoon pulls his earphones into place and says, “Don’t be a nuisance.”  
  
“He’s not keeping me up,” says Hongbin. “I just… I can’t sleep.” His giggle is strained and mildly mad scientist-like.  
  
“You’re scaring me a little,” says Sanghyuk.  
  
“Don’t scare the maknae,” Jaehwan throws out.  
  
Hongbin kicks the back of his seat, “Hey.”

* * *

  
  
  
The first thing Hongbin does when Hakyeon and Taekwoon go down to the studio is drag Jaehwan into the bathroom.  
  
“It doesn’t look _that_ bad.” Jaehwan trails his eyes along Hongbin’s shoulders and neck, and then gets a little distracted when he notices the definition in Hongbin’s chest and stomach. Curling his hands into fists, he leans back against the bathroom door and watches Hongbin continue with his inspection.  
  
“This is all your fault,” Hongbin huffs. “You and your stupid teeth.”  
  
“Okay,” Jaehwan smirks. “All my fault, right. Who was the one that said, ‘L-Leave marks’? Was that me?”  
  
The look Hongbin gives him in the mirror could make even Wonshik stop eating mid-bite. “ _Help_ ,” he hisses.  
  
“Already on it,” Jaehwan slips his phone out of his pocket and quickly looks up how to remove hickeys. “Something about ice. Freezing a spoon.” He brings his phone closer to his face and then away again. “Scraping it away with a toothbrush? Ouch. Makeup.” He snaps. “Makeup! Why didn’t we think of that before?” They were too busy pawing at each other if some of Hongbin's newer marks are anything to go by.   
  
“I’ll do the ice and the makeup," says Hongbin. "Go get some for me.”  
  
He's shirtless in the bathroom with his track pants low and Jaehwan thinks he’s going to pop a boner if Hongbin leans over the sink again, working his thumb over the mark on his collarbone. “Hyung?” Hongbin looks at him. “The ice--”  
  
“Right,” Jaehwan cuts him off, blinking. “The ice. Got it.” Working against the desire to stay there longer and maybe press Hongbin against the sink for a little bit, he slips out of the bathroom and hop skips to the kitchen.  
  
“Did you have a good shit, hyung?” Sanghyuk looks up from his math notes.  
  
Jaehwan snaps his fingers and points to him, “I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap, young man.”  
  
“Kenjumma!” Sanghyuk groans, laughing. “Please don’t. What if I start burping bubbles?”  
  
“I love bubbles!” Kindergartener Ken trills, opening their freezer. Frozen vegetables. Ice cream. Someone’s tea. No ice. Perfect. No one ever has ice when they actually _need_ it, that would be too easy.  
  
Picking one of the vegetable packets, Jaehwan says, “You better be finished with that homework before we go out to eat tonight, maknae.”  
  
“I will.” Sanghyuk’s head is bent over his workbook and he, thankfully, doesn’t look up when Jaehwan slides back into the bathroom.  
  
“We don’t have any ice,” Jaehwan holds out the vegetable packet to Hongbin, who is now sitting on the closet toilet.  
  
Hongbin’s head drops, “Of course we don’t.”  
  
“Don’t be like this,” Jaehwan presses on the packet, testing how frozen it is, and then steps forward to press it against the most visible marks on Hongbin’s neck. Hongbin doesn’t look up and his hand comes up slowly to hold it in place. “Binnie,” Jaehwan sighs. He strokes his fingers along the side of Hongbin’s face and then into his hair, brushing it away from his face. “How do you feel? Are you really sick?”  
  
“I’m fine,” Hongbin pushes his head against Jaehwan’s hand, exhaling. “This is hard work. Don’t give me any ones on my neck next time.”  
  
 _Next time._ Jaehwan shivers and combs his fingers through Hongbin’s fluffy bangs.

* * *

  
  
“Next time” isn’t until a full month later. A comeback is in full swing and Jaehwan is starting to feel a little smudged, like he’s fresh painting left out in the rain, runny and out of focus with fatigue.  
  
Practice ends at five in the morning and then, after a quick run to the convenience store for some drinks, he’s stumbling into the bathroom, needing to wash his face.  
  
“Shower,” says Hongbin, pushing himself into the bathroom.  
  
Jaehwan pauses, eyes half lidded and swollen from exhaustion, and can’t stop his eyes from watching Hongbin undress in the mirror. “Binnie.” His muscles are tense and well defined from hours of hitting the gym, and when he shakes his hair, mumbling a heavy “hyung?” Jaehwan turns away and splashes cold water on his face. _Stop._ “Hurry up and shower so I can go.”  
  
The door to the shower opens. “You can, um.”  
  
Water still dripping from his face, Jaehwan looks over to him. God, there's so much skin _everywhere._

 _Why yes, humans have skin. Wow. Observant._  Jaehwan wants to punch himself in the face. “Huh?”  
  
“You can come in. With me.” Hongbin bites his lip, rubbing his chest. “If, if you want, I mean. You don’t… have to.”  
  
It hits Jaehwan like a knee to the groin. He’s winded, wounded, tumbling over the precipice and, at the bottom, is naked Hongbin, lathered up in soap.  
  
The porn that is Lee Jaehwan’s life is continuing at an impressive rate. Who knows, maybe next week he’ll wake up to Hongbin in a French maid outfit, dusting their living room in thigh high socks. _Oh God._  
  
“Okay, fine,” says Jaehwan, shaking his head. French maid Hongbin drifts away. “But we need to hurry up.”

They’ve shared showers before, of course they have, but Jaehwan’s hands have never trembled like this when he’s pulling off his soiled dance practice clothes. He’s never been so conscious of his own smell or his stomach or of his arms. His dick, too. It looks a little smaller than he knows it really is. Everything is against him this morning.

 _Bad idea,_ Jaehwan frowns, stepping into the shower. _Worst idea._  
  
Hongbin is naked -- _Why would he be wearing clothes in the shower?_ Jaehwan is back to chastising his own subconscious again because he’s reached this level of ridiculous. Hongbin is _appropriately_ naked in the shower and Jaehwan lets himself have one, only one, look at the dimples right above his ass. His ass, perky and so soft looking, because it is soft. Jaehwan’s grabbed handfuls of it before.  
  
“Okay?” Hongbin turns to ask over his shoulder.  
  
Jaehwan mumbles something he hope sounds like “okay” but might actually sound like “ _Oh my God_ ” because he can’t stop looking at Hongbin’s ass, all rounded and cute. His cock twitches and Jaehwan cups himself, hoping to calm his body down so he can wash himself in relative peace.  
  
Then Hongbin starts to lather up his arms, his chest, his stomach, his thighs. He bends over a little to wash his legs and Jaehwan steps backward so quickly he slips and almost falls into the shower door.  
  
“Hyung.”  
  
“I’m okay,” Jaehwan whimpers. He’s definitely in Hell. It looks suspiciously like their dorm’s shower.  
  
“Are you even washing?” Hongbin fully turns around and playfully swipes his bath brush horizontally along Jaehwan’s chest, smiling.  
  
Jaehwan laughs and then winces, his arousal coiling heavy in his lower stomach. Hongbin swipes a wet hand through his hair, pushing it all away from his face, and places his hands on Jaehwan’s biceps. “Come on,” he says and, dropping his brush, pulls Jaehwan under the shower spray with him. They don’t fit but like this, they’re so close and Jaehwan aches to kiss him. Hongbin’s lips will feel so soft.  
  
Swallowing another whimper, Jaehwan squeezes his eyes shut.  
  
“Hyung? What’s wrong? Relax.” Hongbin practically purrs, stroking his thumbs along Jaehwan’s biceps.  
  
“I can’t,” Jaehwan says through clenched teeth.  
  
“Why not? Is it… is it because you’re…” Hongbin leans in to whisper. “You’re hard?”  
  
Jaehwan shudders, “I’m going to pass out because of you.”  
  
That, without a doubt, is the most romantic thing Lee Jaehwan has ever said.  
  
Hongbin, though, doesn’t seem to get it. “Why? It’s okay, I’m… aha, I’m hard too.” He whispers it like it’s a secret only Jaehwan is allowed to know.  
  
Slowly, Jaehwan drops his eyes. Hongbin’s front is just as pretty as his back, his cute cock bobbing against the flat, muscular planes of his tummy. “Ah,” says Jaehwan, swallowing again. “Did you mean to seduce me in the shower, Binnie? Because it’s working.” Oh, is it working.  
  
“No.” Hongbin’s voice is breathy and low, and the accompanying chuckle is music to Jaehwan’s ears. “I really did want a shower.”  
  
“You seriously can’t be this innocent,” whispers Jaehwan, taking the first of many leaps and nuzzling his nose along Hongbin’s cheek. So close to his mouth, so close he can practically taste his breath.  
  
“Am I?” Hongbin moans, sliding his hands up to Jaehwan’s shoulders and pressing their bodies together. Their cocks are touching; Jaehwan finds it hard to breathe. “Am I, hyung?”  
  
Stars explode at the corners of Jaehwan’s eyes. “You’re the devil,” he hisses, pulling Hongbin in for a wet kiss. Hongbin laughs.  
  
  
  
  
  
In the sleepy, slow moving haze of the afterglow, Jaehwan manages to rinse them both off, gives Hongbin’s butt a little pat, and has them both dry and out of the bathroom before anyone can barge in, grumpy and demanding answers.  
  
Once they’re in their bedroom, Jaehwan whispers, “I can’t believe you're so loud.”  
  
Hongbin clumsily elbows him in the rib cage, almost stepping on a sleeping Taekwoon. “Go to sleep, hyung.” His voice is rough with use and Jaehwan quite likes it.

* * *

  
  
  
  
During a break the next morning, Hakyeon sits on Jaehwan’s ass. “I feel like your butt’s gotten bigger,” he says, bouncing once, then twice. “Have you been snacking after midnight again? What did our manager tell you about that?”  
  
“My butt is the same size it’s always been!” Jaehwan whines in his loudest voice, rubbing his eyes.  
  
Sitting and not spread out on the floor collecting their sweat like Jaehwan, Hongbin laughs into his fist. “Hakyeon hyung, how big is it? How can we measure something so big?”  
  
“It’s really big, look at it,” Hongbin bounces again and smacks Jaehwan’s ass. “Look! Look at the way it moves. Jaehwan, your ass size is out of control.”  
  
Jaehwan knocks his forehead against the floor, too exhausted to move but not so much that he won’t talk back. “Stop picking on my ass. It has feelings too, you know.”  
  
“Is your ass a person?” Hakyeon huffs and then, finally, sits up. “Binnie, don’t let your ass get this big. How will you both of you fit through the door then?”  
  
Hongbin laughs again, “Okay, hyung. One big butt in the group is enough.”  
  
“My butt can _hear_ you, you know. It’s right here.” Sitting up and pushing his hood off his head, Jaehwan tries to glare at them both but he feels like he’s only squinting. He’s thinking about how to improve his evil eye while his eyes won’t open all the way when he sees Hongbin come up behind him. “I can’t talk to you right now. You’ve hurt my ass’s feelings.”  
  
“I’m going to the store for a little bit,” says Hakyeon from behind them. “Do you two want anything? The others should be back soon.”  
  
“No, we’re okay, hyung,” Hongbin smiles. He keeps up the good boy act until Hakyeon leaves them with a “Behave and don’t break anything in the fifteen minutes that I’m gone. Again.”  
  
“First you insult my ass and now you’re speaking for me?” Jaehwan frowns, scooting away from Hongbin and spreading out, stomach down, on another part of the floor. “Binnie is the worst, seriously.”  
  
“I just wanted him to leave,” says Hongbin, sliding next to Jaehwan. He pokes his side. “And I don’t have any problem with your ass. Really, it’s very nice.” Patting Jaehwan’s ass, his hand softer and lighter than Hakyeon’s hand been, Hongbin looks to the closed front door and then crawls onto Jaehwan’s back, lying on his back.  
  
“My butt isn’t a futon,” Jaehwan grumbles, but he doesn’t try to buck Hongbin off.  
  
Hongbin’s weight is warm and pleasant on his back, and it feels even nicer when Hongbin’s chin hooks onto his shoulder. “Hyung.”  
  
“If you get an erection while we’re like this, I’m going to laugh until I piss myself,” says Jaehwan. He wriggles his ass back against Hongbin’s crotch.  
  
“Don’t-- stay still!” Hongbin yells. His hands cling to Jaehwan’s shoulders. “Wait, hyung, I wanted to talk to you about something.”  
  
“And you can’t talk about it with my ass on your dick?” Jaehwan’s eyes are on the big room mirror. Hongbin’s face is half hidden by his head and he’s angled his head down, so Jaehwan can only see the top of his bangs and not the blush he knows he start to bloom on Hongbin’s cheeks. Damn him.   
  
“I mean, I could--wait, no. No!” Hongbin slams his hand on the floor next to Jaehwan’s head, startling them both. “Ah, sorry, I just… I’ve been meaning to talk about this with you for a while but you’re…”  
  
“I’m? Spit it out, Binnie.”  
  
“You’re very distracting, okay.” Hongbin pokes at Jaehwan’s cheek. “It’s annoying.”  
  
“Is ‘distracting’ your way of calling me ‘sexy’?” Jaehwan wiggles his eyebrows and tries to lick Hongbin’s finger.  
  
“You’re doing it again,” Hongbin mumbles, covering Jaehwan’s face with his hand. “You’re going to let me talk, right, hyung? I really… feel like we should.”  
  
Jaehwan sighs and closes his eyes. “Okay, we can talk. Wanna start? I’ll pick up where you leave off.” Jaehwan can do this, he can have talks like an adult. He doesn’t lick Hongbin’s palm even though it’s _right there_ ; he’s already showing more restraint now than he’s shown all week.  
  
“I have to admit… what we did in Japan, I… I had thought about it before.” Hongbin drops his head on the back of Jaehwan’s shoulder. “But I didn’t… really understand what I wanted. When I woke up and saw you there, it sorta… clicked in my head that… that this is… You are… um.” His hand falls away from Jaehwan’s face.  
  
“Are you okay back there?” Opening his eyes, Jaehwan finds Hongbin’s reflection. His face is buried in Jaehwan’s shoulder.  
  
“I… Okay, whatever, feelings exist and I may have them for you. Possibly. I just… want to make sure, right here and right now, that I’m… I’m not in this alone. You know?” His voice lowers to a mumble, his mouth right against the back of Jaehwan’s sweatshirt. “Because… because I don’t think I could… do this if I were… doing it alone.” His laugh is heavy, weary.  
  
“You’re not doing this alone,” says Jaehwan. “I would never let you do this alone.” Whatever “this” is. Whatever it means when Hongbin seeks reassurance and Jaehwan’s body is ambivalent: his mouth yells and chastises -- _“Why are you always bothering me?"_ \-- but his arms wrap around Hongbin’s shoulders.  
  
“I like us like this,” whispers Hongbin. “Even if we have to keep sneaking around, even if we… we’re not sure how long this will last, I like it. You’re this weird… boyfriend-hyung mixture of a person and it’s… it’s nice.”  
  
Jaehwan snorts. “Wait, did you just create a new category of person for me? Binnie, you’re so romantic.” He smiles and thinks about turning over, pinning Hongbin to the floor and kissing him a little, just so he’s nice and mussed up before they fall into practice again.  
  
Hongbin groans and lightly smacks Jaehwan’s lower back. “Hyung, don’t make this more embarrassing than it has to be--”  
  
“Confessing to me in the practice room?” Jaehwan continues, wiggling his hips again. “Not even during dinner at a fancy restaurant? Did Hakyeon raise you to be so cheap--”  
  
“Who are you calling ‘Hakyeon’ like that?” Hakyeon slams the door open. “Watch your mouth, Lee Jaehwan, or has your butt gotten so big that it’s pulled all the blood from your brain?”  
  
Hongbin, as limber as a mountain goat, springs up off Jaehwan’s back and trips backwards, falling flat on his ass. “Hyung! H-How much did you hear?”  
  
Hakyeon pauses by the door, drinks in his hands. “Just that. Why?” His nostrils flare as he takes both of them in. “Were you two _talking_ about me?”  
  
Sitting up, Jaehwan exhales and laughs. “No, hyung. No, we weren’t. Are those for us?” He points at the bottles Hakyeon’s still holding.  
  
Hakyeon’s nostrils still look like they can start flapping and fly Hakyeon away at any moment. “Hongbin,” he says, turning to the undoubtedly sweeter half of the KenBin line. “Tell me the truth. Were you talking about me?”  
  
“Jaehwan hyung is telling the truth,” he says. “We weren’t talking about you. Honest.”  
  
“Hmm.” Haykeon turns his eyes back to Jaehwan, glaring. “Fine. I’ll believe you, but only because I know Hongbinnie would never lie to me. He knows better. Now come here and get your drinks before I change my mind and hog them all to myself.”  
  
Hongbin stands up faster than Jaehwan so, using this incredibly big ass he apparently has, Jaehwan shoves him back and reaches for the tea he knows is Hongbin’s favorite.  
  
“That’s not yours,” says Hakyeon. “Don’t be your usual self to Hongbin. Rest for today.”  
  
“I was _giving_ it to him,” Jaehwan passes the bottle over. “Cut me some slack, hyung. It’s like you don’t even know how much of an amazingly good person I am.” He takes the other tea and uncaps it.  
  
Right when Hakyeon turns to check his phone, Jaehwan winks at Hongbin, who starts laughing so bodily his hand shakes. He misses his mouth by a mile and droplets of tea fall onto the front of his sweater.  
  
Jaehwan is reaching for the front of his sweater, ready to make baby noises at him, just as Hakyeon turns around, eyes stormy. “Hey! Were you talking about me _again_?  
  
“Why do you always think we’re talking about you, huh?” Kenjumma shouts. “Stop being so self centered. God, today’s youth. Instead of sending Cat Talk and Lime Messages, pick up a real book once in a while!”

* * *

  
  
  
“He wasn’t afraid of anything” will be inscribed on his tombstone, not “he understood everything that had ever happened to him.”  
  
As much as he would like everyone to believe the contrary, Jaehwan doesn’t have all the answers. Not matter how many concepts VIXX go through, Jaehwan still feels like the newbie who puked out his lunch before doing solo shots for “Super Hero.” Awards, physical representations of how far they’ve come, feel as though they belong to someone else. Not him, not VIXX. Didn’t VIXX just debut two days ago? How can they already have this much attention?  
  
Before debut, all he could think about was once day being here, in this space of time, debuted with thousands of fans, dancing on the same stage as their seniors. There are moments when he wants to look ahead but he can’t because, just as it had been all those years ago in the Jellyfish practice rooms filming MyDol, the future of an idol is also uncertain.  
  
It’s really unfair when he stops to think about it -- there’s really no telling how long this fairytale idol life will last and he has no idea what he’ll do when it’s all over -- so he tries not to worry about it too much. He’s in one of these moods tonight, sagging on the couch with his fingers pressed into his eyes because the future is looming and Jaehwan thinks he’s fucked up his ankle during tonight’s practice so close to their comeback.  
  
Feelings like this don’t really change: he felt it as a nobody and he’s still feeling it as an idol.  
  
He wonders if university students ever feel like this too. If people his age with other careers they’ve worked themselves to bone for ever stop, look up at the ceiling, and wonder where their life is going or if anything they’ve done will be worth it in the end.  
  
His phone lies in his lap, screen dark. Watching Immortal Song performances couldn’t distract him enough. Not even an A Pink or Girls Day live helped. Practice had miraculously ended before sunrise today, but that’s only because the choreographer had been worried for Jaehwan and sent him home early. “I don’t want to chance it,” he had said, speaking softly over Jaehwan’s assertions that he was fine, _he was fine_ , and he could continue practice with the rest of the team.  
  
Now he’s here, staring out at the Seoul skyline in this silent tomb. Dark clouds are still circling overhead and shrouding his thoughts in fog when the front door opens.  
  
A voice calls out, “Jaehwan hyung?”  
  
“I’m here,” Jaehwan mumbles. He turns to look over the side of the chair. “Where are the others?”  
  
“Hyung! Are you okay?” Sanghyuk shoves past Hongbin. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”  
  
“No, I’m fine,” says Jaehwan. “My foot’s okay. See?” With a sudden bout of internal screaming, he holds out his foot and rolls it at the ankle, face carefully blank. “See?” His entire right leg is trembling, his ankle feels stuffy and congested, as if the bones there have the worst cold in the world. The joint looks a little swollen too and he only notices after he’s proclaimed his good health while showing VIXX evidence otherwise. Even Taekwoon gives him a little wince.  
  
“You should ice it,” says Wonshik, pulling out his earphones. “Do we have any ice?”  
  
“Only vegetable packets,” Hongbin says from the kitchen. He comes back with the exact same packet he had pressed to his neck only a couple of weeks before and Jaehwan wants to laugh but every time he breathes out, his foot throbs painfully.   
  
“Come over here to the couch, hyung,” Sanghyuk holds out his arms.

“I can stand up just fine,” he says. “Who’s the baby here? You or me?” He bristles when Sanghyuk hovers over him as he makes his way to the couch and reaches to give him a quick karate chop to the neck.  
  
Sanghyuk dodges in the nick of time and Jaehwan accidentally puts all of his weight on his swollen foot. He doesn’t howl or wince, but his mouth is tight, his teeth stabbing his bottom lip, and Hongbin’s “hyung, please don’t move” feels like the final nail on the coffin of Jaehwan’s sanity.  
  
So he’s a tiny bit more hurt than he had previously thought, so what? “You should go to bed soon,” says Hakyeon, stacking pillows and then beckoning for Jaehwan to rest his leg up on them along the couch.  
  
“Don’t wanna,” says Jaehwan. “I’m watching something.” He reaches for the phone in his lap and closes over air. “Oh.”  
  
“Here,” Hongbin passes his phone over. “Left it in the chair.”  
  
“Thanks Binnie.” Hongbin’s only wearing this thin tank top -- it looks like one of Taekwoon’s -- and when Sanghyuk and the rest decide to split for the kitchen, bathroom, or bedroom, he sits on the floor next to the couch. “Aren’t you tired?”  
  
“Not really,” says Hongbin. He leans his head against the couch, near one of Jaehwan’s hands. “How are you feeling? Do you need a painkiller?”  
  
“Maybe later,” says Jaehwan. “To sleep.” Not that he plans on doing that anytime soon. Being the good hyung that he is, he says, “Seriously, Hongbin, you should go to sleep. We have practice too early tomorrow.”  
  
Hongbin shakes his head, “It’s okay. I don’t want to sleep. I’m not tired enough.”  
  
“You’re joking,” Jaehwan stares at him. “We’re always tired.”  
  
Hongbin looks over, smiling softly. “What, you don’t want me here?”  
  
“When do I not want you,” Jaehwan mumbles with a sigh and then closes his eyes. _Shit._ He wasn’t supposed to say that out loud.  
  
“Hyung,” Hongbin reaches for his hand. “It’s alright, hyung. I accept your feelings for me even if you can say them accidentally.”  
  
Jaehwan hangs his head. Guilty as charged, your honor. Make him walk the plank.  
  
Hongbin straightens the frozen vegetable packet on Jaehwan’s ankles and tells him to budge over a little so he can sit on the couch. If any of the members were to come in here, they would see Hongbin and Jaehwan as they always are: heads pressed together, someone’s hand around someone else’s wrist, Hongbin smiling like he’s been told the funniest fucking joke in the world, and Jaehwan with his eyes on Hongbin’s face.  
  
“What were you thinking about before we came in?” asks Hongbin in a whisper. “You looked pretty serious.”  
  
 _How uncertain everything is, including us, and how I don’t want time to leave me behind._ Jaehwan takes a breath and stretches his arm around Hongbin’s waist. “You know those moments when you’re alone with yourself? It’s quiet all around you, so quiet you can only hear your own thoughts and they suddenly get so loud, you feel like you’re drowning in your own shit? It was one of those things.”  
  
“Everyone gets those,” says Hongbin. “Do you know how you beat them?”  
  
Jaehwan shrugs, “By punching myself in the face?” He had been close to doing that before the door opened.  
  
“No,” Hongbin shakes his head. A couple strands of his hair tickle Jaehwan’s cheek. “You think about the present and where you are now and who… who loves you.” His eyes drop to the lettering on Jaehwan’s chest. “That’s what I do when my head gets too loud.”  
  
“That’s… a good idea. I’ll do that. I'll start right now.”  
  
Someone’s in the kitchen; the shower isn’t running. Thumps come from the bedroom and none of the managers are walking around, poking their heads to check up on their kids.  
  
Jaehwan’s kiss is soft and quick, let to blossom right on the edge of Hongbin’s mouth. He doesn’t know where they’ll be ten years from this moment. Hongbin sighes against Jaehwan’s cheek, replying with a small, gentle kiss to Jaehwan’s mouth. Mayflies live longer than some idol groups.  
  
But VIXX is Jaehwan’s present: singing and dancing until he’s gagging on the floor and doing a poor imitation of a crab about to be dropped into a pot of boiling water; picking on Wonshik, nagging Sanghyun to do his homework, jumping over to introduce Taekwoon to pretty idol noonas and only feeling a little bad when he gets that wide eyed panicked look when they ask for his phone number; smothering Hakyeon; being sat on and trying to eat N hyung’s VIXX TV microphone while a giggling stylist noona pats concealer under his eyes; kissing Hongbin while they all have their back turned and smiling when Hongbin buries his face in his shoulder.  
  
One day, this roller coaster is going to stop. Until then, though….  
  
Leaning in to lick a ticklish line of saliva along Hongbin’s cheek, he silently hopes he’ll be there to hold Hongbin’s hand as they go up over the next hill.

 

  
  
“Are you two—Hey! Jaehwan, stop trying to bite Binnie! What did he ever do to you? Why can’t you just be _nice_ to him? What’s wrong with you?”  
  
Laughing, Jaehwan hides his grin in Hongbin’s hair. Hongbin shushes him with a pinch to the stomach and continues to show Hakyeon his puppy dog eyes. 


End file.
